Wonderful Blog Post on CHANGE

I just read a wonderful post on zenhabits on CHANGE.  Take a look.  I especially like his final thoughts about freedom from the fear of failure ... and this quote

‘Try again. Fail again. Fail better.’ ~Samuel Beckett

Happy Reading!

Breathe

The word of the day.

When it has been too much ... when sleep evades ... when the people are everywhere and solitude absent ... when I just need to stop for a few moments ... but when life continues on in its demanding way ...

I try to remember to just BREATHE.

 

Peaceful moments to you today.

Kicking the Q-Tip Habit

As I've been thinking about simplification, consumerism, consumption and green living, I've realized that there is a very small single-use item that I use everyday ... the Q-Tip.  Using Q-Tips is not going to fill the world's landfills. It isn't going to break the bank. I won't go thru withdrawal without them, or suffer physical harm if I use them or I don't (unless I'm the kind of wax pusher that doctors warn us about!). So what's the big deal?

Well, either I'm committed to all the baby steps leading to a sustainable, minimal carbon-footprint life or I'm not.  Seeing as I am ... Q-Tips.  I googled "green alternatives to Q-Tips" and found very little. No one seems too concerned. But I've been determined, and I've kicked the Q-Tip Habit!

A few facts (probably relevant only to me):

My little finger fits in my ear plenty far enough to take the place of a Q-Tip.

I only used Q-Tips because I wanted to dry my ears, not to "clean" them ... that happens in the shower!

Towels are too thick, when wrapped around my pinkie finger, to do the job.

However ... a cotton men's handkerchief is perfect!  So, there's my green alternative.  Using the size of a dime for each ear, it takes many days before I need to wash it. The hankie is small, and doesn't add to my laundry burden. It is soft cotton, which makes my ears happy.  And in my life, another single-use item bites the dust!

Okay, now is your chance to comment. I expect most of your thoughts to be about me having way too much time on my hands to think about irrelevant things! That's okay ... keeps me happy :-)

"You have to eat a peck of dirt before you die."

I think it was my granny who used to say this ... "You have to eat a peck of dirt before you die."  I always thought it was metaphorical, but maybe it has a literal application as well.  However, it is a bit hard to swallow in today's hyper-clean, germ phobic, civilized world. But what if our phobias about dirt and germs have robbed our children of developing a basic love for the stuff of this planet of ours?

Simple Mom posted a blog today about letting our kids get dirty!  Jump on over and check it out, and enjoy a playful, dirty-filled day!

And just in case you were wondering ... just how much is a peck anyway?  It is the dry measure of 2 gallons.  That's a lot of dirt!

The Dreaded SHOULD List

I would like all of us to live as fully as we can. The only time I really feel awful is when people have not lived a life that expressed themselves. They lived with all their "shoulds" and "oughts" and their blaming and placating and all the rest of it, and I think, "How sad.

Virginia Satir (1916 - 1988)

 

I came across this quote this evening, and thought ... yes, how sad.  The reality of a life lived according to the SHOULD list is sad. I'm guilty, how about you?

What are the things that creep into your life that place a SHOULD across the path of doing all that you wish to do, and being all you wish to be?  Where do all these SHOULDs come from?

I look back at the mountain of SHOULD, and at the base of it, I see the first little pebbles ... people pleasing ... fear of rejection ... running from the need to stand alone and stand strong ... wanting to be "normal" ... the list is long.  Then, upon that foundation  grew the long list of things that I SHOULD do in order to maintain a fragile peace around me.  Strange the sacrifices I will make to my heart's peace in order to orchestrate the false peace around me.

Have you shouted "NO MORE"?  I have.  Yet, it is a journey to growing back into the uniqueness I was born with.

The highest thing on my SHOULD list ... 

 

I should be able to do it all, better! 

 

Go ahead, say it ... psycho!  But it does seem to be the mantra to which I bow.  What's your greatest SHOULD? 

Let's go out on a limb and vow, together, to put aside our SHOULDs, just for today.

 

 

 

More wisdom from Virginia Satir ...

"I am Me. In all the world, there is no one else exactly like me. Everything that comes out of me is authentically mine, because I alone chose it -- I own everything about me: my body, my feelings, my mouth, my voice, all my actions, whether they be to others or myself. I own my fantasies, my dreams, my hopes, my fears. I own my triumphs and successes, all my failures and mistakes. Because I own all of me, I can become intimately acquainted with me. By so doing, I can love me and be friendly with all my parts. I know there are aspects about myself that puzzle me, and other aspects that I do not know -- but as long as I am friendly and loving to myself, I can courageously and hopefully look for solutions to the puzzles and ways to find out more about me. However I look and sound, whatever I say and do, and whatever I think and feel at a given moment in time is authentically me. If later some parts of how I looked, sounded, thought, and felt turn out to be unfitting, I can discard that which is unfitting, keep the rest, and invent something new for that which I discarded. I can see, hear, feel, think, say, and do. I have the tools to survive, to be close to others, to be productive, and to make sense and order out of the world of people and things outside of me. I own me, and therefore, I can engineer me. I am me, and I am Okay."

 

To that, I add ... Thank you, God, for making me just as I am!

Good Advice ... No Workaholics Here!

I ... am a workaholic.  There.  I've said it. 

No, I'm not a workaholic where my paid job is concerned.  I can draw boundaries there. But I'm an "at home" workaholic.  I can't ever sit still and relax without forcing myself to do it.  I ... am a human doing, not a human being!  Today, I came across a new article about 11 Creative Ways to Avoid Becoming a Workaholic.  The article addresses the workplace, but is SO applicable to my life.  Take a look, and tell me how you avoid overworking yourself during your "free" time.

A Wish List

Interesting fact about me … if you ask me what I would like to have, I can never think of anything. I’m rarely interested in stuff, and usually pretty content with what I have. Lately, however, I’ve realized that I do have a wish list. Problem is, the list contains things that are expensive. That’s why I never share the list when someone asks what I would like.

So here goes … my wish list. Maybe, after looking at it, you will add some of these wonderful products to your wish list. Maybe, after looking at it, you will wish you had never come across my blog because now you have a pricey wish list. Maybe …



1. Vita Mix

About a year ago, when reading one of my favorite blogs April's Raw Food Passion, I came across the Vita-Mixer. It seems that the best way to move away from processed food and into the world of raw food is to have a way to crush it, mix it, turn it into butter, or blend it into a delicious smoothy.

Doesn’t this picture just make you feel more healthy?  Vitamix


2. “Barefoot” shoes

Barefoot + Shoes = Feet as they were intended in a world full of man-made dangers. About 6 months ago, I saw these shoes via REI. Years of researching Yoga has shown me one thing for sure, your feet work at their best when your toes are not shoved into a small, sometimes pointy (if you’re a woman) prison. Set them free!

“To the man who clads his feet in shoe leather, the whole world feels like leather.” Taoist Proverb

For some interesting reading about a barefoot life … visit the economads

Until we live in a place where bare feet are permissible everywhere (like New Zealand!), the five fingers are the next best thing. Spread those toes!  Love those Five Finger Shoes.

Slate/Palm upper, if you please.


3. Goodbye to the Nasties

In our family, we have two water filters, both Brita. One is a large, counter-top container with a tap for our smaller family member, and one is attached to the kitchen faucet. Although the Brita does clean many of the impurities, I often wonder how well it really does. And what about the times when the water is really dirty (like stream water). We wouldn’t want to filter that through the Brita. And when you think about a weekend in the popup, or in a tent, the hand pump water purifier that David has seems like a lot of work for a little return.

This Big Berkey filter is gravity based, therefore not requiring electricity. It is portable … not exactly the type you would put in a backpack, but it would work for a longer family-camping outing. And it cleans out all the gunk! They have a filtering shower attachment as well. If I don’t want my family drinking it, I also don’t want them absorbing it through their skin.

Thanks to Sara for the introduction (Check it out on their counter in their rv home).


4. The Portable Read

I tend to be a bit of a book hound. I love to read, and often have 3 or 4 books going at the same time. Add an obsession with researching anything and everything on the internet, and I guess I’d have to admit that I love to learn. (That’s a bit of a shock for my parents, I bet!) The thing is, I can’t possibly carry all the books I’m reading at one time with me everywhere I go. Especially all the reference books, like a dictionary, concordance, and Bible Greek dictionary. There are all those lost moments when there is no one around to talk to, and I find myself waiting. All you taxi mom’s know exactly what I’m talking about. But I’m not always in the mood to read the book I thought to bring. Bummer. Solution ... The Kindle

Of course, I would want it loaded with all my favorites! Not asking for too much, is it?


5. Time for a Photo Shoot

This baby is not one I’ve researched enough to tell you exactly what I want. Suggestions? I’m tired of the point-and-click that delivers great pictures sometimes, and lousy ones at other times. Yes, I’ve learned to use the features. It just doesn’t like alternative lighting, fast movement, or close-ups … red-eye is always a problem.

Add to a great camera the latest and greatest Photo editor … voila! Camera happy me!


Wow … I don’t ask for much, do I? As I was making this list, I was thinking about photo storage, old home video storage, document organization, etc. The process of simplification means looking for better, more efficient ways to do old things. Leave any suggestions as a comment below. Your thoughts are appreciated.

And tell me ... what's on your wish list?

Meanwhile, I’m content, I’m dreaming, and I’m seeing the world again after a long time in the haze.

Simplify

Websters has this to say about the word SIMPLIFY

To make simple or simpler: as
a: to reduce to basic essentials
b: to diminish in scope or complixity

and of SIMPLE

1: free from guile: INNOCENT
2a: free from vanity: MODEST
2b: free from ostentation or display
...
6: free from elaboration

... or eLABORation (my thoughts)




We all seek a simpler life. Do you know anyone who has ever said, "Hey, can you think of a way to make my life more complicated? It is just too simple!" If so, don't tell them to read this. They won't understand.

The American Dream ... the American Nightmare. What does it involve?

Accumulation - of things, of responsibilities, of wealth
Stability - in work, in play, in friends, in things
Control - everything within control, or at least "controlled risk"
More - giving our kids more than we had, getting more ... better ... faster

Sometimes more is just more.

But what if we thought about the American Dream as it really is today. (A side note, I think that the original "American Dream" was wonderful. Make a safe, secure place for your family in a land of freedom and opportunity. That is, you have the freedom to be all that you ever dreamed you would be.) Since when does safety equate to total control? When did security come to mean accumulation of more than we can steward well? Why has opportunity turned into MORE MORE MORE? Since when is freedom the same as creating a small world that is never changing, if we can help it? Just seems like a burden of complixity to me.

So, we all talk about simplifying our lives. I've begun to take action.

First, no more accumulation. It is true that you tend to fill the space you have. Live in 300 sq feet, you will accumulate 350 sq feet of stuff. Move to a larger place ... more stuff. I was astounded when I realized the amount of energy I put into trying to find workable storage to decrease clutter and organize the stuff. I DON'T NEED BETTER ORGANIZATION, I NEED LESS STUFF! I believe that we take on responsibility for everything we acquire. If I buy a shirt, I take on the responsibility of keeping it clean, storing it properly, and wearing it, whether or not I actually like it. That's good stewardship. Think about it. Everything you own, even the stuff you never see because it is buried under all the stuff you see only because it is on the top of the pile. Yes, all that stuff is your responsibility. Does it bring convenience or pleasure to you? Does it enrich your life? My answer is a resounding NO! So, the downsizing begins. Change is in the wind.

I had a victory moment the other day. The space under our bed is empty, except for a small stool that I use to reach things in the closet (I'm a little reach impaired). Nothing else is under the bed. I didn't shove it under something else. I went through it, appropriately placed the important things, and got rid of the rest. Oh, and guess what I have in my closet ... only clothes that I wear. And on my side of the closet are ALL my clothes (all seasons). I don't have any clothes stored anywhere else. VICTORY #1.

I'm now on a quest. Take a 5 bedroom, 3 bath house full of enough stuff for an 8 bedroom 5 bath house, and downsize it to fit into a two bedroom apartment. Are we moving into a two bedroom apartment? I have no idea. But I want to be ready if we do.

Simplify ... it is the beginning of a journey.

Firsts and Lasts

I've been reflecting a lot lately on my teenage boys. I guess every mom goes thru this time of reflection as she comes to grips with the inevitable ... they will grow up and leave you. Bitter/sweet. During this time, I'm discovering once again the little boys they used to be.

As our kids are growing up, we are so consumed with the current state of things. We're driving them places, making sure they are prepared for every eventuality in the day (i.e. Don't forget you shoes for gym!), and generally enjoying knowing them in the moment. What has struck me lately had led me through a period of mourning (which I consider a good and healthy thing), but maybe not in the sense you think. Let me see if I can explain.

Our kids' lives are filled with the first times, and the last times. The thing is, we have lots of reminders of the firsts. Remember that first step? I bet you had the camera ready as I did (or at least you recreated the event a few moments later for posterity). How about that first night in a tent, or the first soccer game? Got it. First time carving a pumpkin? First time in Grandpa's arms? Got it. We have picture after picture, and revisit those "firsts" over and over again.

But what about the lasts? The last time he rode a tricycle? Did you get that on film? Remember how precious he was motoring around with knees up to his chin? Nope ... don't "Got it". How about the last time you picked him up? One day, he reaches the point where he walks everywhere by himself. Nope ... don't got that one either. The last time he held your hand to cross the street? Didn't we celebrate how grown up he had become when he could do it safely by himself. It is the job of parents to teach their kids everything they need to know to be happy, functioning, successful (however you define it) adults. But oh the sweetness of dependence.

Sometimes I see parents yelling at their young children. Parents are frustrated and tired ... the pressures of the American Dream. Children are undisciplined and demanding ... the lenience of today's parenting generation. And the parents are yelling their children into defiance. I want to walk over to them and reach them with the love that shows them that I understand their frustrations. I want to hug their kids and tell them they are wonderful just because they are, not because of any particular trait or accomplishment. Mostly, I want to tell Mom and Dad that one day, in the near future, a last will happen. They won't know it is the last. They won't see it coming, or realize the implications. But it will come. Something will come to an end, and one day they will mourn.

When I think of my two teenagers, I think about their little faces as they slept when they were young. Many of you understand that sensation of staring at your sleeping kids because it is the source of strength for making it through another day with them awake. Don't condemn me for that ... you know we've all done it! I would venture to say that we've been better parents for it! But one day, the face changes. You're no longer looking at your baby, but at your adolescent. Then it is your teenager. Then it is your adult child. You realize that the little guy, although encased in a grown-up body now, really doesn't exist anymore. You love the adult with a more complete love than you ever loved the little child, because your love has had time to grow and mature. But that little one is just a memory. I'm so grateful for the wonderful memories!

These are the meandering thoughts I have as I watch my teen yell at the top of his lungs that I have no right to try and control his life. Flashes of young faces fly thru my mind as I watch one run like the wind, or the other give the soccer game his all. Yes, I am so grateful for the memories.

If you are remembering too, be thankful as I am. If you are struggling not to be that yelling parent, pause to remember that this is all so very temporary. Aren't we blessed to be parents?!?

I feel the winds of change blowing …

"I feel the winds of change blowing". I've said that many times in my life. And each time, it was true ... change was coming. Was it coming and I felt it, or did I want it so I made it. Who knows. But I feel the winds of change blowing.

We are at an interesting juncture in life, that place where you are racing toward the "empty nest." Many have been there. You know it is a road traveled by every parent in every generation since Adam and Eve sent their young men out into the world. Well, we know how that turned out. None-the-less, here we go. The catch ... there's a little chirping sound coming from the nest, coming from the mouth of the next generation of children from our family. I truly feel like we have two generations of children, separate yet united as brothers. That's what happens when you have two teenagers and a 1st grader. The winds of change ...

Then there's the dream of a different life. I don't want to seem to be trying to get the older two out the door. Honestly, I'm not sure how you breathe when a big piece of your heart moves on to the rest of his life, much less when it happens twice in two years. But with their childhoods coming to an end, we get the chance to see how it worked. We get to evaluate the successes, the failures, the complications, and the joys that define their childhoods, and then we get to decide how to do it better in round two.

There are so many pieces to evaluate. The older two have had a typical suburban childhood ... public school, suburban neighborhoods, soccer teams, music lessons, boy scouts. Just like my childhood. Just like the childhood of everyone I've ever known (mostly). What does it look like to break out of that mold and dare to dream? What could be different? Be better?

We've fallen for the American Dream, and it feels more like the American Nightmare. Don't misunderstand, my teens have had a great childhood, and I've loved every minute of watching them become the men they are becoming. We're not done yet, but I have a glimpse everyday of the end result. They have turned out well. But in the wake of their childhoods, I see what we parents have become.

I've been tired for years. We struggle as many do with expectations that we have set to perform based on the lives we have created ... that we pay an incredible amount in bills for this complex life, that we work to a certain level without fail and without cutting ourselves any slack, that we interact with family and friends in a certain way to be liked, that we worship God by pushing ourselves to exhaustion under entirely misdirected motivation. I don't blame others for these expectations; we have placed them on ourselves in the pursuit of the American Dream. We place expectations on ourselves to be so "normal."

It is time to stop the spinning, and get off the ride. I have realized over the last few weeks that I've been trying to escape "normal" my entire life. The winds of change ...

So David and I are pursuing a new dream. While we attempt to ignore the expectations, we are redefining our own dream. Watch out world, or at least the little bit of the world that knows us, the adventure is starting anew.

It has been a while

I've seen that phrase on blogs so many times. We let our lives get so busy that we neglect the things that bring us joy, that de-stress our minds, and that allow us to share a bit of ourselves with our world. So ... it has been a while.

Motivated by some conversations today, and by a constant nagging in my mind to dump some of the random chaos and clutter that bogs me down, I'm back to blogging. I hope you'll read and find yourself encouraged to explore the closets of your own mind.