Simplify

Websters has this to say about the word SIMPLIFY

To make simple or simpler: as
a: to reduce to basic essentials
b: to diminish in scope or complixity

and of SIMPLE

1: free from guile: INNOCENT
2a: free from vanity: MODEST
2b: free from ostentation or display
...
6: free from elaboration

... or eLABORation (my thoughts)




We all seek a simpler life. Do you know anyone who has ever said, "Hey, can you think of a way to make my life more complicated? It is just too simple!" If so, don't tell them to read this. They won't understand.

The American Dream ... the American Nightmare. What does it involve?

Accumulation - of things, of responsibilities, of wealth
Stability - in work, in play, in friends, in things
Control - everything within control, or at least "controlled risk"
More - giving our kids more than we had, getting more ... better ... faster

Sometimes more is just more.

But what if we thought about the American Dream as it really is today. (A side note, I think that the original "American Dream" was wonderful. Make a safe, secure place for your family in a land of freedom and opportunity. That is, you have the freedom to be all that you ever dreamed you would be.) Since when does safety equate to total control? When did security come to mean accumulation of more than we can steward well? Why has opportunity turned into MORE MORE MORE? Since when is freedom the same as creating a small world that is never changing, if we can help it? Just seems like a burden of complixity to me.

So, we all talk about simplifying our lives. I've begun to take action.

First, no more accumulation. It is true that you tend to fill the space you have. Live in 300 sq feet, you will accumulate 350 sq feet of stuff. Move to a larger place ... more stuff. I was astounded when I realized the amount of energy I put into trying to find workable storage to decrease clutter and organize the stuff. I DON'T NEED BETTER ORGANIZATION, I NEED LESS STUFF! I believe that we take on responsibility for everything we acquire. If I buy a shirt, I take on the responsibility of keeping it clean, storing it properly, and wearing it, whether or not I actually like it. That's good stewardship. Think about it. Everything you own, even the stuff you never see because it is buried under all the stuff you see only because it is on the top of the pile. Yes, all that stuff is your responsibility. Does it bring convenience or pleasure to you? Does it enrich your life? My answer is a resounding NO! So, the downsizing begins. Change is in the wind.

I had a victory moment the other day. The space under our bed is empty, except for a small stool that I use to reach things in the closet (I'm a little reach impaired). Nothing else is under the bed. I didn't shove it under something else. I went through it, appropriately placed the important things, and got rid of the rest. Oh, and guess what I have in my closet ... only clothes that I wear. And on my side of the closet are ALL my clothes (all seasons). I don't have any clothes stored anywhere else. VICTORY #1.

I'm now on a quest. Take a 5 bedroom, 3 bath house full of enough stuff for an 8 bedroom 5 bath house, and downsize it to fit into a two bedroom apartment. Are we moving into a two bedroom apartment? I have no idea. But I want to be ready if we do.

Simplify ... it is the beginning of a journey.

Firsts and Lasts

I've been reflecting a lot lately on my teenage boys. I guess every mom goes thru this time of reflection as she comes to grips with the inevitable ... they will grow up and leave you. Bitter/sweet. During this time, I'm discovering once again the little boys they used to be.

As our kids are growing up, we are so consumed with the current state of things. We're driving them places, making sure they are prepared for every eventuality in the day (i.e. Don't forget you shoes for gym!), and generally enjoying knowing them in the moment. What has struck me lately had led me through a period of mourning (which I consider a good and healthy thing), but maybe not in the sense you think. Let me see if I can explain.

Our kids' lives are filled with the first times, and the last times. The thing is, we have lots of reminders of the firsts. Remember that first step? I bet you had the camera ready as I did (or at least you recreated the event a few moments later for posterity). How about that first night in a tent, or the first soccer game? Got it. First time carving a pumpkin? First time in Grandpa's arms? Got it. We have picture after picture, and revisit those "firsts" over and over again.

But what about the lasts? The last time he rode a tricycle? Did you get that on film? Remember how precious he was motoring around with knees up to his chin? Nope ... don't "Got it". How about the last time you picked him up? One day, he reaches the point where he walks everywhere by himself. Nope ... don't got that one either. The last time he held your hand to cross the street? Didn't we celebrate how grown up he had become when he could do it safely by himself. It is the job of parents to teach their kids everything they need to know to be happy, functioning, successful (however you define it) adults. But oh the sweetness of dependence.

Sometimes I see parents yelling at their young children. Parents are frustrated and tired ... the pressures of the American Dream. Children are undisciplined and demanding ... the lenience of today's parenting generation. And the parents are yelling their children into defiance. I want to walk over to them and reach them with the love that shows them that I understand their frustrations. I want to hug their kids and tell them they are wonderful just because they are, not because of any particular trait or accomplishment. Mostly, I want to tell Mom and Dad that one day, in the near future, a last will happen. They won't know it is the last. They won't see it coming, or realize the implications. But it will come. Something will come to an end, and one day they will mourn.

When I think of my two teenagers, I think about their little faces as they slept when they were young. Many of you understand that sensation of staring at your sleeping kids because it is the source of strength for making it through another day with them awake. Don't condemn me for that ... you know we've all done it! I would venture to say that we've been better parents for it! But one day, the face changes. You're no longer looking at your baby, but at your adolescent. Then it is your teenager. Then it is your adult child. You realize that the little guy, although encased in a grown-up body now, really doesn't exist anymore. You love the adult with a more complete love than you ever loved the little child, because your love has had time to grow and mature. But that little one is just a memory. I'm so grateful for the wonderful memories!

These are the meandering thoughts I have as I watch my teen yell at the top of his lungs that I have no right to try and control his life. Flashes of young faces fly thru my mind as I watch one run like the wind, or the other give the soccer game his all. Yes, I am so grateful for the memories.

If you are remembering too, be thankful as I am. If you are struggling not to be that yelling parent, pause to remember that this is all so very temporary. Aren't we blessed to be parents?!?

I feel the winds of change blowing …

"I feel the winds of change blowing". I've said that many times in my life. And each time, it was true ... change was coming. Was it coming and I felt it, or did I want it so I made it. Who knows. But I feel the winds of change blowing.

We are at an interesting juncture in life, that place where you are racing toward the "empty nest." Many have been there. You know it is a road traveled by every parent in every generation since Adam and Eve sent their young men out into the world. Well, we know how that turned out. None-the-less, here we go. The catch ... there's a little chirping sound coming from the nest, coming from the mouth of the next generation of children from our family. I truly feel like we have two generations of children, separate yet united as brothers. That's what happens when you have two teenagers and a 1st grader. The winds of change ...

Then there's the dream of a different life. I don't want to seem to be trying to get the older two out the door. Honestly, I'm not sure how you breathe when a big piece of your heart moves on to the rest of his life, much less when it happens twice in two years. But with their childhoods coming to an end, we get the chance to see how it worked. We get to evaluate the successes, the failures, the complications, and the joys that define their childhoods, and then we get to decide how to do it better in round two.

There are so many pieces to evaluate. The older two have had a typical suburban childhood ... public school, suburban neighborhoods, soccer teams, music lessons, boy scouts. Just like my childhood. Just like the childhood of everyone I've ever known (mostly). What does it look like to break out of that mold and dare to dream? What could be different? Be better?

We've fallen for the American Dream, and it feels more like the American Nightmare. Don't misunderstand, my teens have had a great childhood, and I've loved every minute of watching them become the men they are becoming. We're not done yet, but I have a glimpse everyday of the end result. They have turned out well. But in the wake of their childhoods, I see what we parents have become.

I've been tired for years. We struggle as many do with expectations that we have set to perform based on the lives we have created ... that we pay an incredible amount in bills for this complex life, that we work to a certain level without fail and without cutting ourselves any slack, that we interact with family and friends in a certain way to be liked, that we worship God by pushing ourselves to exhaustion under entirely misdirected motivation. I don't blame others for these expectations; we have placed them on ourselves in the pursuit of the American Dream. We place expectations on ourselves to be so "normal."

It is time to stop the spinning, and get off the ride. I have realized over the last few weeks that I've been trying to escape "normal" my entire life. The winds of change ...

So David and I are pursuing a new dream. While we attempt to ignore the expectations, we are redefining our own dream. Watch out world, or at least the little bit of the world that knows us, the adventure is starting anew.

It has been a while

I've seen that phrase on blogs so many times. We let our lives get so busy that we neglect the things that bring us joy, that de-stress our minds, and that allow us to share a bit of ourselves with our world. So ... it has been a while.

Motivated by some conversations today, and by a constant nagging in my mind to dump some of the random chaos and clutter that bogs me down, I'm back to blogging. I hope you'll read and find yourself encouraged to explore the closets of your own mind.