It seems that every day brings more for the "to do" list than was checked off yesterday. Does anyone ever catch up? Maybe it is one of the perils of being such an over-achiever, A-type, perfectionist kind of person that makes this phenomenon occur. It is just so hard sometimes to just let things go.
I think about the story of Mary and Martha in the Bible, when Jesus came to visit. I enter the same type of frantic preparation the Martha did. Only, she was preparing for Jesus. I'm often just preparing for my family to come home from work/school. I try to remember what Jesus said to Martha ... that Mary's way was the better way. Was he trying to say that relationship, not only with God but also with fellow man, should be the priority? Staying focused on relationship is a little hard when expectations for clean clothes, cooked food, and minimal household clutter loom. I don't mean to say that my family has unrealistic expectations. These tasks fall squarely in the definition of my job. My husband works out in the world and takes care of so many things at home, the teenagers' work is as students, the preschooler's work is constant learning through play, and my work is to be wife/mom/homemaker. But making a home is so continuous ... nothing ever gets done and stays done. It is all to do again tomorrow.
So ... if there is anything unique, interesting, challenging, or special that finds its way onto my "to do" list, it is difficult to get it done for all the everyday stuff. Or, I do those things, and the everyday stuff falls to the side. The "to do" list just grows. Of course, I should consider the amount of time it takes to blog. I could be cleaning the bathroom!
Anyway, as my "to do" list grows, and my expectations of myself become increasingly unrealistic, I remember the tearful confession of a friend of mine. Life is like a plate full of peas. I spend all my time trying to keep my peas on the plate, as they do their very best to roll off. Put too many peas on my plate, and I can't possibly keep them there. I remember, at a more peaceful time in my life, suggesting to her that she just let the peas fall. She said, "I can't." Maybe it is time for me to take my own advice. Is it ever okay to just let the peas fall?
yes. it's ok to let the peas fall. to me, my "fallen peas" are things that my kids don't really care about (those things that they DON'T need at this time in their lives in order to feel loved and be cared for). to me, a pea that must stay on the plate is cuddling my kids. that's their love language. so if the toilets have black rings in them, no one who lives here cares. (well, i care, but it's a pea i'm willing to let roll off...:) and a pea that falls off most every day is cooking. we go out to eat...a lot. i've found cheap ways to do it. we all enjoy each other's company, we enjoy getting out. we end up having fun together and communing, even if it's eating a fruit cup from starbucks or splitting waffles at waffle house. it's SO hard for to let the peas of my own expectations of the "perfect mom" fall...but i just "don't got it." i just don't. but i do have love.
ReplyDeleteIt takes a lot of courage, wouldn't you say? ... to put the expectations of others, but especially your expectations of yourself aside.
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